TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
