are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
