apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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