yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
