she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
