I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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