Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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