This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
