So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
