your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
