You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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