Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
