Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize