Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
