I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
