I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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