life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
