Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
