I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
