I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
