Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
