i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
