marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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