I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Randomize