apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
