Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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