I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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