P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
