Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
