I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
