"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
