You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
