Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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