they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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