hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
