Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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