He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
