I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
