I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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