I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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