Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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