Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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