Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
