Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
