It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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