we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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