do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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