I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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