mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
