You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
