So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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