I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
