my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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