She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i love accidental penises.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
