kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
