I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
