How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
