In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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