But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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