i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
