I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
MIDGETS
????
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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