if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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