Kiss
Puke
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My bed smells like the plague
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
